indecorum

I’ve a feeling that movie producers, directors, and actors are so insulated from the public that they don’t know how to make a good movie. People habitually spend $20 on movie tickets because that’s the thing they do regardless of the quality of the dribble leaving Hollywood.

I want the inside story on how meetings go during those really bad movies. “Yeah we’ll make this pointless movie, call it something cool like ‘Time Machine’ and make millions.”

Among other powers I want like the right to overview stupid parking lot designs made by junior guys that have never driver, is the power to make changes to movies.

Example #1: In “Back To The Future III”, here’s the real reason Marty
avoided drag racing at the end of the movie.

I think this years Halloween costumes will be Rodeo Cowboys because I want to buy a hat and boots. Saw a gorilla costume on Columbus and 72nd today walking next to this guy riding a raptor. That was a cool costume.

The classic Drunk Pumpkin
Hermione after prom
Cool dog in ghost costume costume
Cheap pumpkin, cheap feel
Canadian pumpkins are easy

Check out 2 new great marketing campaigns for Ford… Classic

To Kill A Mocking Bird – (Local copy)

Here Kitty Kitty

Editor’s Note: Sorry, Cat video not funny, not classic, just wrong.

Submitter’s Note: “It’s my body, I do what I want!”

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

John:
“Hi! I’m John, and this is Mary.”

Mary:
“Hi! We’re here to invite you to come kiss Hank’s ass with us.”

Me:
“Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who’s Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?”
Would you like to know more? »

Bush- and anybody-but-Bush-lovers can come together and revel in this movie from JibJab.com. Click the picture on the linked page, and you’ll get a great summary of the incumbent and challengers strengths and wekanesses to the tune of “This Land is My Land.” If this is any indication of what’s to come in the next few months, I think we’re in for an entertaining time.

Sound required for optimal enjoyment. Lyrics rated PG-13.

Thanks go to Jason Neidleman for passing the link along!

A man walks downstairs one morning to get himself a cup of coffee before enjoying the beautiful weather on this particular saturday. On his way down the stairs he looks out into his front yard and sees a huge gorilla sitting in the big tree in his front yard. He calls his wife over to have her take a look and sure enough – it’s a big, grouchy looking gorilla camped out in their tree.

The couple quickly start looking for something to help them get this monster sized ape out of their tree, so they look in the yellow pages and miraculously find: Ape Removal Services. They call the only number on the list and get an appointment.

About 20 minutes later a big black van screeches to a halt in their driveway and the man driving comes knocking on the door. They open the door and show him the gorilla. The guy says, “Yeah, no problem. I can get this guy out of there, but I’m going to need one of you to help me”. The husband hesitantly volunteers and follows the man to the back of the van. Out of the van the ape removal expert pulls a ladder, a 6’ stick, a pair of handcuffs, a pitbull and a gun.

The husband is a little puzzled and asks how those things are going to help them get the gorilla down? “Well”, says the guy: “I’ll use the ladder to get into the tree and the stick to poke the gorilla so he’ll lose his balance and falls down. Once that happens, the pitbull will go straight for him and all you have to do is slap the cuffs on him when he goes to cover his balls!”.

“Eh, what’s the gun for then?” asks the husband and the ape removal guy says “Well, if the gorilla throws ME out of the tree, you shoot the damn dog”.

President Bush worried about the efficiency of his agencies decides to test them. He takes a large area of woodland and fences it off into three equal areas and releases a red squirrel into each. He gives the first area to the FBI, the second to the CIA and the third to the NYPD with the mission of finding the squirrel in a week.

The week elapses and he asks the FBI how they were doing. The FBI say that they mobilized the Dept of The Environment, the local police, The Forestry Commission in addition posting wanted signs in local towns and on the tree. The Squirrel however was still ‘at large’.

The Spokesman for the CIA is up next and after calling in ‘Grey Opps’, asked for a napalm strike. The officer then pushes across a clear plastic envelope containing greasy grey ashes saying that they believe that to be Red Squirrel residue.

The President then turns the the Chief of the New York Police Dept, who then nods to a junior officer. The door to the room opens and two police officers walk in holding a handcuffed, bruised and blooded badger between them.

The Chief then jabs his night-stick into the badgers ribs and says “Tell him what you told me”. The badger then screams “I’m a red squirrel, I’m a red squirrel!”.

(poorly done to the Brady Bunch Theme)
There’s a story,
Of a reporter named Dawn Scott,
Who will never get a big network deal.

She has straight brown hair,
Like every other,
Every other reporter on TV.

But watch this reporter lose composure,
watch her drop the ball,
after the streaker drops some gas.

Only good news for her,
She’s not that other
Wine stomping reporter who fell onto her ass.

Reportus Interruptus

This is frickin’ hilarious. Or should I say fr?chen hilarious? My personal best is 76 meters.

Check it out

Editor’s Note: Just in case that swiss server has holes, Home Run

The buzz word in today’s business world is MARKETING. However, most people often ask for a simple explanation of “Marketing.” Here it is:

• You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed,”
  That’s Direct Marketing.
• You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed,”
  That’s Advertising.
• You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed,”
  That’s Telemarketing.
• You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say,” May I,” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed,”
  That’s Public Relations.
• You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed,”
  That’s Brand Recognition.
• You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
  That’s a Sales Rep.
• Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you.
  That’s Tech Support.
• You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”
  That’s Junk Mail.