Always Check Your 6…Really, turn around check. Mom, this page isn’t for you.
Humor 25 July 2003

Our flag can beat up your flag.You Live in California when…

  1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
  2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
  3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
  4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
  5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
  6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
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Humor 21 July 2003

You don't understand women? I don't understand women. Women don't even understand women! Just give up.Hitting a little close to home….

Editor’s Note: Originally posted at Aaron Karo’s website

The other day I found myself sitting on the couch watching reruns of Lizzie McGuire on the Disney Channel (and feeling sort of guilty because I was kinda getting turned on). And as I stuffed another piece of my roommate’s girlfriend’s leftover Valentine’s Day candy into my mouth, I realized something – I haven’t worked in a full year. Furthermore, I realized that the past year since I left Wall Street to pursue comedy has been one of the best years of my life. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked many a job in my day – from investment banks in New York to consulting firms in London, from tiny dot-com startups to huge, multinational corporations. And they all had one thing in common: I hated every second of it. Look around you. I bet every unemployed twentysomething you know is desperately looking for a job while everyone with a job is desperately looking to get the hell out. We’ve entered an era of job insecurity.
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Humor 10 July 2003

I’m part of the 75%

HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING THESE THINGS?

  • The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
  • Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
  • Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
  • Coca-Cola was originally green.
  • It is impossible to lick your elbow.
  • The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
  • The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
  • (now get this…) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
  • The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
  • The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
  • Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
  • The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
  • The youngest pope was 11 years old.
  • The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
  • Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
  • 111,111,111×111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
  • If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
  • Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.
  • “I am.” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
  • Hershey’s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt.

Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A. Conception.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter “A”?
A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?
A. Honey

Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A. Father’s Day

Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.

Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.

  • In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase “goodnight, sleep tight.”
  • It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month we know today as the honeymoon.
  • In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It’s where we get the phrase “mind your P’s and Q’s”
  • Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. “Wet your whistle” is the phrase inspired by this practice.
  • In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden … and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

AND FINALLY

  • At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
Games 3 July 2003

Never tried the javelin, was always better at the breast stroke and broad jump.Don’t get so addicted you miss the train…

My favorite is spear throwing

Interesting Sites 2 June 2003

Tucker Max is just a big dumb animal folks.He lost round 1 of a lawsuit filed by the former Miss Vermont and has been forced to remove from his site the page detailing their relationship. This, my friends, is:

  1. an egregious violation of the 1st Amendment, and
  2. a damn shame, since it deprives us and everyone else of a darn funny read.

Thank Goodness for Google’s archives.

Multimedia 28 May 2003

Young Jedis make horrible actors
Typical story: Kid in yearbook class borrows school video camera and films himself living out fantasy. Kid forgets to take tape out when he returns video camera. Other kids find it and the world benefit thanks to the web.

Jedi Kid

Editor’s Note: Also, here’s the obligatory Star Wars Kid Remix

Humor 28 May 2003

Nothing to see hereThis is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the two words Lewinsky (The Intern) and Kaczynski (the Unabomber) in a limerick.



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Quick News Nugget 21 May 2003

Math is coolToday on the SOLAR (sford alum) list, Arun Jain, who supposedly has an m.s in CS from Stanford, posted a message claiming to have solved Fermat’s Last Theorem and requesting advice on how he should present his proof.

The two responses posted so far are high-quality. I’ve included them in the Extended Entry below, along with Arun’s original.
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Multimedia 8 May 2003

Cat's SuckWhy you should tie cat toys to your fan.

Should this be on Cali’s page?

Addition by Denmark: Here is the full video w/ sound. It’s an ad for a Nokia 3650 Phone with a camera attachment. I knew I had seen it somewhere before…

Multimedia 30 April 2003

Celebrity Prank Calls

My favorites are the Arnold / Gateway series and the Joe Pesci clips.

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