Handy to keep around for those special examples of good friendshipAre you tired of all those sissy “friendship” poems. Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

  1. When you are sad – I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
  2. When you are blue – I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
  3. When you smile – I will know you finally got laid.
  4. When you are scared – I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
  5. When you are worried – I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
  6. When you are confused – I will use little words.
  7. When you are sick – Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.
  8. When you fall – I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.

It’s all about that last line, everyone needs two good friends in case you kill the first one.